Sunday, April 23, 2006

Die, Slowly.

I've never really been that good at watching exploitation cinema, but Sixties Euro smut, now that I can do. I attended a screening of Paranoia (a.k.a. Orgasmo) a film by Umberto Lenzi (most infamously known for Cannibal Ferox a.k.a. Make Them Die Slowly) which the Giallo film festival of which it was a part described as "a tremendously enjoyable mix of Hitchcockian suspense and VALLEY OF THE DOLLS-style histrionics..." My response, however lewd it may be is this, "my asshole!" I found it completely unsurprising that the director of this tawdry piece of meandering sexploitation had gone on to create more grisly works of equal ineptitude. It is typical that those who cannot do - do the most unfathomable sort of exploitation possible. I saw Make Them Die Slowly at a rather impressionable age, and my response was not dissimilar to that which I have towards the Face Of Death fad which so gladly seems to have ended: Why would anyone want to watch this? Moral judgments aside, Paranoia is an absolute dullard. One would think a mixture of Valley of the Dolls and Michael Haneke's Funny Games would at least be interesting to behold, but anyone with half a brain and an understanding of cinematic narrative should be able to see that this film is rank. Carroll Baker's boozed up sex-pot is amusing for the first three minutes of the film, but the film itself drags - and for a 77 minute film to drag is an abysmal feat. This one is not available on DVD and can be found through various bootleg distributors. There are reasons for its lack of distribution! If anyone is on the fence, I beg you: Spend your money on an enema bag. You'll see what it is you are most likely after and it will be far more entertaining!


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